It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should buy a plane ticket and go somewhere hot like the Caribbean where they can eat free fish all day.
-Lady Victoria Hervey

There's a couple of homeless people who hang around the student government building here at UCLA. One of them in particular smells like hot fucking death. And not just when he's around. His smell lingers around the building so if you inadvertently cross any point he's been through in the last ten minutes or so you find yourself involuntarily retching.

Today I was in the student store buying something to drink and I notice him at the front of the line, waiting for the registers. All three cashiers have a look of terror on their face that they may be the one to have to ring him out. I laugh to myself and spend an extra few minutes examining the myriad beverage options available to me so that he'll be gone by the time I get in line.

But he's not gone and when I round the isle to get in line and this is what I see. He's at the middle register, slightly hunched over counting change in his hand and shaking like he's actively being electrocuted. The student working the register is bent backwards almost in half in a vain attempt to get his face as far away from this bum's smell as possible. But the best part was the girl at the register behind the guy. She had a can of Lysol and was spraying him full force in the back with it. She was literally enveloping him in a mist cloud of Lysol while six or seven of us stood there watching him shake.

Posted by Ben Corman at 5:15 PM

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