Hello World - October 31, 2007

A failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.
-John Christian Bovee

I first wrote the first draft of Suicide and Keg Stands in March of 2005. The writing forum had just opened (I think that month, although it was the submitted stories board) and I desperately needed a hobby other than drinking Southern Comfort straight out of the bottle and passing out on myself.

I was so enamored with the first draft of that first chapter that when I submitted it to the mods at the time I thought that I would have my own site with in a month, maybe two if Tucker was really busy. I remember sitting in bed with my laptop pounding out that chapter, taking mouthfuls of SoCo and just congratulating myself on how brilliant of a writer I was. There was no way Tucker wouldn't notice that I was a goddamn genius and give me a site. I didn't know that at the time, he didn't even read that part of the messageboard. I guess in hindsight we all look like morons, or maybe it's just me.

Looking back on that short story, it's almost embarrassingly bad. It has it's moments though and I guess that's why Donika and Luke decided to post it. I'll be forever thankful that they did because while I didn't know it at the time, writing that short story changed a lot in my life. It was their faith in my writing (and Donika telling me that I was good enough to do it for a living) that made me reconsider the hazy sort of five year plan I had put together for myself because while I thought I was the best writer to ever grace the internet, I didn't think that writing was something I could do for a living. It was a hobby and those who made a living at it were a strange and rare breed that I didn't understand.

My hazy five year plan included going to law school and becoming a lawyer. Being a lawyer was something I could understand. There was a lot of schooling then interviews. Then a job where what was expected was clearly defined. Looking forward, if I wanted to be a lawyer there was a very clear path on how to get there. Getting from community college student to writer didn't have a roadmap, thus it wasn't something I considered.

I don't know where it all changed. There was no moment when I thought "Alright, fuck law school I'm going to be a writer." I just sort of started working towards one thing and away from the other. Maybe it was hearing someone say "you could do this if you wanted" because I had never considered that before. Maybe it was just hanging around the messageboard long enough to figure out what it takes to become a writer. There wasn't a road map but there were directions.

I'm not by any means saying that I'm a writer yet. I'm just a guy with a website. All I've gotten myself is a chance to prove that I can make this website work. Two and a half years of writing and revision. Two and a half years of creative writing classes and working with other writers. Two and a half years of working towards a specific goal and really all I've gained is the chance to see if my writing stands up to an audience. That's a little intimidating. I worked for two and a half years for the chance to be judged by other people. Law school would have been easier but I guess that's why there are more lawyers than successful writers.

But enough navel gazing. It just feels good to finally be here. It's not the elation I thought I would feel, the "I finally got it" joy of getting the GI Joe aircraft carrier on Christmas morning (which for the record, I never got), it's more of a giddy "holy fuck, what have I gotten myself into?" If this site fails, it doesn't matter to you. It's just another site on the internet that didn't make it. To me it means I had the perfect opportunity to get myself out there as a writer and failed. Everyone is always talking about getting their break. This is mine, now I need to make it work.

So thank you to Donika and Luke for not mocking my attempts at writing. Thank you to Laura who has been absolutely invaluable in helping me get this site live and thank you to everyone who has commented and emailed and who took the time to read what I had to say.

Posted by Ben Corman at 6:35 PM

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Comments

Hey, awesome stuff. I admire determination like yours because it makes me realize that there are many paths to what you want to do.

Posted by: Anonymous at October 31, 2007 10:29 PM

I don't think you have much of anything to worry about. What I've seen from you so far is utterly brilliant. I'm eager for the next!

Posted by: Kotenku at November 1, 2007 12:30 PM

Looks great...if only I could somehow relate to what you were talking about.

BTW, you've got a big blank spot on the right hand toolbar. Did you make that an image only ad too? If you did, if you make it collapsible the space will go away when they don't have ads to serve there.

Posted by: Ryan Holiday at November 1, 2007 04:40 PM