Fighting vs Working - August 20, 2008

It's easier to fight than it is to work. It's more satisfying to fight. It's more fun and there's more passion.

You can win a fight.

And we love fighters. We call them world champions, award them belts. We say fighters have heart.

What can you say about work? Not much. Most people only show up because there's a paycheck involved.

Sometimes working and fighting are the same, or at least they feel the same. When I first got into IT both my parents were convinced that I'd need a college degree to be successful. While I'm sure that they thought they were giving me helpful life advice, I was 19 and full of anger. My response was probably something like "Fuck you. You don't know shit. You can't fucking tell me how to live my life." I was a joy to raise.

Consequently, I didn't think about going to work every day as simply going to work. I saw it as a battle. My worldview against theirs.

It made me a handful for my bosses. To them, work was about finding the best solution to whatever we happened to be working on. To me it was about proving myself. No matter the problem, we had to use my solution. No matter how well my solution worked, I always had to be right. Even when I was clearly wrong, I'd argue my point until I ran out of breath. Luckily I worked for some very understanding people. Raise your hand if you've ever said "You're so fucking smart, you tell me" when your boss has asked you a question. I was a joy to work with.

It also probably kept me in IT much longer than I otherwise would have stayed. When you see life as a constant fight, you spent your time fighting. Even when I had made it to my ideal job in IT, I was still looking to prove myself. I was still looking for something to fight against. I was 25 and I had the job I'd dreamed of having for six years. I'd won and I was so focused on fighting everything around me that I couldn't recognize it.

And although I should have realized how unhappy I was, I couldn't see it. There's this proverb "After a victory, tighten your helmet." That was me. I was so intent on the next battle, the next fight, proving everyone wrong that I never stopped to ask myself if it even made sense to be fighting anymore.

Don't get caught up in it. At first it's exciting and powerful to see life as you against the world. But it's a shell game, you're just moving pieces around a board so you have something to stay mad at. Something to fight against. Ultimately it's a shitty way to live. It's not you against the world, the world doesn't care. Stop fighting and find something to enjoy.

Posted by Ben Corman at 8:31 PM

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Comments

This might be your best post, dude.

I've been dealing with this same issue for years (as are many others). I don't think the difficulty is in realizing that you're fighting but in figuring out why, and more importantly: what to do once you stop.

Posted by: Ilan Bouchard at August 21, 2008 05:57 AM

Love this post :*

Posted by: mikaela at August 21, 2008 07:52 AM

I agree, fighting for the sake of fighting will leave you tired, and worn out. But it also seems that if you can "stop fighting and find something you enjoy" that a new fight emerges. It doesn't have to be a fight against others or even a violent fight as in the traditional use of the word. It's more like a fight for your ideals, what you believe in; because while you may have given up on fighting, others haven't.

Posted by: ellis reed at August 21, 2008 10:31 AM

It's a way to rationalize the day to day grind. It's easier to get up in the morning if one imagines life as the epic struggle between oneself and all the rotten bastards rather than the less dramatic alternative (I.E.;The way it really is).

Posted by: Anonymous at August 21, 2008 07:27 PM