You might be sitting there thinking "it's a Saturday night and I've got nothing going on, maybe I'll catch that new movie Vantage Point."

If you find yourself thinking that, I want you to go to the garage, get a hammer, sit down at the dining room table and smash your hand repeatedly until all those delicate bones are reduced to jelly. This will be less painful than sitting through the rotting stillborn carcass that is Vantage Point and at least you'll get a nifty cast that all your friends can sign.

Vantage Point's big thing is that there's an event and you get to watch the event from different perspectives. While that might sound like a pretty cool idea in theory, in practice it sucks. Watching the same scene, with only minor variations, eight times in a row is fucking boring. Well, the first few times is boring, after that its actively painful. Every time the movie did its stupid little rewind thing indicating we'd be sitting through the same bullshit yet again, there was a collective groan from the audience. At least from those who weren't shouting "oh good, show it again."

Don't get me wrong, going into Vantage Point I knew it was going to be a bad movie. But some friends were getting together and I can only spend so many Friday nights alone in my room masturbating to Alias fan fiction before I have to admit that I've got a problem. But whereas with most movies you can lower your expectations enough to sit through them, Vantage Point failed to even live up to "bad," sitting somewhere between "embarrassed for the people responsible for this movie" and "personally insulted that someone, somewhere thought people would actually enjoy this."

Vantage Point is so bad that I left the theater assuming it's a practical joke played by the studios on the movie going public. That's the only way to explain how no one involved, not the actors, director, writers, producers or studio execs, stood up and said "wait, this movie sucks."

So stay in tonight. Spend your money on a pint of Ben and Jerry's and cry yourself to sleep. In the end you'll be better off.

Posted by Ben Corman at 3:47 PM

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