I really like that Chekov quote, it puts into words what I'm too inarticulate to say.

Keep at it man. Look at all you've done so far, all you've written, all you've accomplished. This? Child's play, right? Best of luck.

This is a great post, Ben.

Thanks Mike, I didn't know you were a reader.

Hey Alex, I hope this is child's play. It would be nice if the next step was easier than the last.

Anon, That Chekov quote is possibly my favorite quote of all time.

Awesome post.

You're right, perspective is everything. Those mundane, often miserable moments are actually cherished when you add some time into the mix.

Even this past spring, when I was questioning a lot of the risky decisions I was making. There was no one really to talk about it with, so my brain was left to turnover the same thoughts. I was stuck in a perpetual state of self-loathing and uncertainty.

One night in particular I stuffed a six pack of beers in my bag and went to catch a late movie. I sat in the back corner and drank, which was actually enjoyable. When I left it was raining, and the zipper on my jacket was busted. As I held my jacket closed, a hooker said hello (because they hangout right near the theater). I had a brief but real conversation underneath her umbrella about how her life was going and I drew some parallels to my own. Then I headed and caught the train, where, upon disembarking, I was fucking attacked by 2 crows (which I then perceived to be a very bad omen for weeks to come). I was downright miserable.

Yet, only a few months later, I look back and really cherish that memory. I don't know what significance it holds other than proof that my heart must really be in what I'm doing because otherwise I wouldn't go through with it.

Aside from the FastCGI type stuff, it sounds to me that you daily grind has more purpose than you realize. I suppose losing perspective temporarily is okay, as long as you keep moving towards something. It's only when you look back, you see how far you've come.

Hey Ben,

After reading everything you've written (coming upon your site the minute it was added to the Rudius collective), I just want to thank you for posting everything you do on this public forum for complete strangers to read.

As one of those strangers, I've come to recognize a bit of myself in you. Or yourself in me, I have no idea how things like that work. Either way, I had one of those moments in April where I realized that I wasn't really doing what I needed to be doing to make myself happy. University and work was grinding me down and it hit me that I was almost at rock bottom.

So on a complete whim I wrote a dozen emails an hour after doing some minimal research, and with that applied to take a 5 month trip to Beijing to attend an intensive Mandarin course at Tsinghua University. This after never living away from home for more than a week or two. No planning, no forethought and no real reason other than I wanted to.

I bought my plane ticket and picked up my students Visa today. Here's hoping I learn that I'm the sort of person that can handle it.

Thanks again for your writings Ben. Hope to see your stuff on a book store shelf soon.

Good luck, Nathan.

This is a great post, Ben. And you're wrong in thinking that "no one wants to read about it". The comments above indicate that several of us do.

Thanks.

Gris, I've had the same thing happen. Times where I was totally miserable have stayed with me for years and in hindsight they've become good memories. The reverse is true as well. I've had these moments that I think, while they're happening, they'll be super important later in life and when I look back on them, they don't ring out at all.

Nathan, goddamn. I'm supremely jealous. Have a great time. Start a flickr account and post it here. I want to live vicariously through your pictures.

Andrew, I fear that I'll to wander into the self-indulgent hell that so many blogs slide into. Someone stop me if I approach self-pity.

Ben,

I agree that traveling is probably one of the best ways of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, ESPECIALLY if you're doing it alone. People are so reluctant to turn off their MP3 players, cell phones and everything else and just spending some time talking with themselves; as if they're too afraid to find out what the conversation would be like.

The thing is, how can you push yourself out of your comfort zone in your everyday life? Can there be a way which makes you really question your perspective on a more regular basis?

I would say that a part of the answer is having the courage to open up to the weird things that (can) happen to you on almost a daily basis, a sort of mini-adventures.

In my case, what comes to my mind is a conversation in a cafe with some random, weird guy with a stutter who made me do a psychological test for his research, half an hour before my interpreting job in a delicate adoption case, which I was supposed to be preparing for. From this small test I came to an extremely important realization about the way people in general think about things (i.e. They generally don't think, they just wait for an answer to pop into their heads from their previous experience, when in fact you can get to the answer if you ask yourself the right questions).

This comic also comes to mind: http://xkcd.com/137/

Nathan, great stuff. My sole advice may sound corny, but I think it's true: Really be open to (learn from) all the good and the bad - there will be plenty of both, and the bad is probably even more necessary to tell you what kind of a person you are.

Fuck I love your writing Mr Corman.

I know perfectly well what you are talking about here...
I just moved from Austria to Mexico to study here. I've been feeling like there is something missing back in Austria and I needed to get away.

It is not always easy here but I'm 100 % sure I took the right choice and I'm loving it.

Good luck to you Nathan, you seemed to have done something somewhat similar, although as it seems with a lot less planning, which I think is great :)

I'm sure you'll do great.

And also thanks for the writing Ben, Its always nice reading other peoples stories, It inspires.