This is has been a hell of a year. Weird enough that whenever I try and write about it I don't really have the words, which as a writer, is an epic fail.

This has been, by far, the most traveling I've ever done in one calendar year unless you count the year I moved from east coast to west. A move that took five months and found me sleeping on the couch of a very understanding Mormon family. I think most would label me NSFW, so it's really to their credit that I had a place to stay when I needed it.

And the traveling isn't over. There's still fifteen days in Panama at the end of this month. It says something I think that I've become more comfortable sleeping in tents, hotels, hostels, couches and guest rooms than I am sleeping in my own bed. I just prefer to not examine too closely what that something is. And if we're all being honest here, internets, ever since I went to Hawaii to sleep on beaches and eat ramen at 21 I've been more comfortable on the road than at home.

This is also the year that Jeff and I took over the publishing aspects of Rudius. Creative Director. It's a pretty cool title.

When I was 19, I quit school knowing that I could do the job I wanted in IT without the degree. I had this overwhelming, unshakable belief in myself and I said fuck it and worked my ass off until I realized that, while I liked IT as a fun hobby, as a career I couldn't handle it.

I thought I'd experience the same thing when we took the helm here. But something's changed. I've lost that hyper-energetic confluence of arrogance and anger that made me want to take on the world face first, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. In the balance that's probably a good thing, even in my rose colored recollection I was pretty intolerable as a person so the truth has to be that much worse. I'd be lying though if I said I didn't miss those days where I couldn't have put the words self and doubt next to each other in a sentence.

Maybe it means I'm growing up. Maybe it means that I'm slowing down or maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. I do know that I'm still more comfortable on the road than I am at home. I know that I'm doing something I love and I know that it's been a hell of year. Now all I need is the perspective to be able to write about it.

Posted by Ben Corman at 10:16 PM

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Posted by: Ilan Bouchard at December 3, 2008 11:15 PM

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